Encouraging Your Husband to Romance

My husband is one of those who doesn’t find a need for a regular date night.

His view of things has been that we spend time with each other every day, so why would we spend extra money to go out? Especially when his wife is a phenomenal cook – “just look at my waistline”, he says, patting his mid section.

A simple game plan for when your husband isn't super romantic!

At first, I was disappointed that he found no need for a date night. The longer time went on, the more irritated I became.

I really wanted that date night.

I took his lack of interest in the date night personally. I felt bad for myself when I heard friends speak of their date nights. I loathed all the stay at home date night ideas on Pinterest because I wanted an extravagant, out on the town, fancy dress wearing, DATE. NIGHT.

So, I had a pity party.

I was miserable in that little pity party.

Then I started hating that pity party.

So I took action against that pity party.

Wouldn’t you know, I learned a thing or two when I started looking at the big picture and not so much on what I wanted from my husband.

What to do when Your Husband Doesn’t Do Date Nights

1. Don’t allow the enemy to drive a wedge of self pity between you and your husband.

I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I held the date night to a higher degree than the fact that he is a good man who kisses me every morning, comes home every evening, tells me I’m beautiful, helps around the house, and loves me in ways only he knows how to love me.

It was no longer about how he loved me. It was about how he didn’t love me the way I thought I should be loved.

2.Consider that a healthy marriage may not have been modeled to him.

We all do life according to how we have experienced it in the past. If your husband didn’t have a good example of what marriage can look like, he’s not going to know how to romance his wife after those first few marital spats.

So, if the heart fluttering romance of your dating life slows down, don’t be offended. Maybe he’s having a hard time getting past what he’s seen or known before.

Pray for him to be set free from negative thought processes of his past.

Here are 39 other prayers to pray over your husband, as well.

3.Lead him in romance.

If you’ve been married for any amount of time you know, it doesn’t take much for your husband to take your sweet and flirty to some kind of fiery spice!

Plan a simple gesture just for him. Rent a movie, light candles and give him a back massage.

For my husband, I serve his favorite meal in candlelight.

Once a month, we have a fine dining experience over homemade pizza. Yes, our children are there. Yes, the china gets chipped. Yes, a candle tipped over into the pizza.

But all that only added to the feeling of oneness as we glanced and smiled at each other over our children’s heads.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be a fireworks kind of event. But, it does have to be real and without selfish expectations.

Isn’t that what date nights are all about? Loving real hearts with real love.

Simple 30-Second Ways to Encourage Romance with Your Spouse

  • daily touch – quick little pats, brushes, kisses, anything to reach out and touch your souse
  • express gratitude for something he did today. Here are a few things he needs to hear from you.
  • ask open ended questions about his day – instead of “How was your day?”, try “Did you accomplish your goals today?”
  • really listen – turn your body toward him, make eye contact, show that you care
  • recall a memory
  • flirt – you are never too old to bat your eyes at him!
  • sleep naked! (wink)

How about you? How do you and your husband keep the marital flames alive?


This post was first seen on Christian Wife University.

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  1. Anastasia (ANAWINSblog) says:

    i recently said to my husband “can we aim for monthly dates and sometime in the future weekly dates?” His response “why would we go on weekly dates?!” Ha! Men can be so similar can’t they??

    At home dates are fun too! We just need to embrace them as dates. 🙂

  2. Kathleen says:

    This was actually what I needed to hear and be encouraged by. I really needed to hear the part about focusing on how he does love me and not just on how he doesnt or how I feel like he should. Gratefulness in the things that he does goes along way. I am going to take the things that you wrote and shared to heart. Thank you for being willing to write and share. I just got married in the spring, so I feel so new at this. But your blog encourages me in my new marriage.
    Thank you. This was really needed and really good.

  3. Kristina says:

    I totally can relate to this. It a good reminder for me to focus on the good things he does do. It also helps me to realize that all husbands have different of showing love and its our jobs to affirm him in that.

  4. Patty Scott says:

    We can’t hold out for those “moments” or the way we imagine they need to love us. Men don’t naturally romance a woman. It isn’t in their DNA for the most part. I love that you are able to regain perspective and focus on the goodness of what he is doing to show his love. What a great shift in perspective! My husband (after 25 years together) started asking me to take afternoon walks with him or sit and have a cup of tea. Let me tell you, Peter walking on water to Jesus was more likely than this! I dreamed of these things and they are happening. It took him a while in marriage to get his sea legs when it came to romance, but he’s growing. We don’t hang our hats on them – God is our true love and He loves us with lavish and complete love. Our husbands will fail us. God never will. Still, it is good to not give up hope. Hope without demand or expectation keeps the door open that someday this man will continue to grow and in that process he may just take you out in an amazing dress for a night on the town.

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