OK, ladies! This one is for us. If you’re still with us on this journey through Proverbs, I hope you take the time to read and take to heart Proverbs 27.
So far, in Proverbs I’ve found five verses referencing the quarrelsome wife. I’ve been able to elude writing about this, but not so anymore. Let’s take it by the horns today. It’s lengthy, but needs to be said. So buckle up!
“A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.” Proverbs 19:13
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife.” Proverbs 21:19
Proverbs 25:24 is a repeat of 21:9.
Now today, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day, restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.” Proverbs 27:15-16
So what exactly does a ‘quarrelsome wife’ do?
- she nags
- she nags again
- she huffs and sighs
- she challenges her husband’s authority
- she makes him feel incompetent
- she grumbles
- she reminds him of past failures
- she degrades him verbally
- she says things like
“Why don’t you do like so and so?”
“I’ve told you over and over ____________.”
“I can’t stand how you ____________.”
Add your own here.
- Then, she nags some more. On and on, never satisfied.
A quarrelsome wife devalues him as a man using words and body language. The very man who is designed to lead, protect and provide for her and her family. She’s always in his face about how he ought to do more, do better, be better, but then is never satisfied with his efforts.
Just like a slow dripping of water through a roof eventually soaks and rots the boards underneath, so is a quarrelsome wife. She slowly but surely saturates her husbands heart with anger, regret, disappointment, sadness, incompetent feelings, assuring him of failure, emasculating him one word at a time, until he comes to complete ruin.
That’s a quarrelsome wife.
Notice how it all revolves around what she says or communicates to him? So lets take a look at what words do, according God’s word.
- lead to regret and condemnation…..Matt. 12:37
- stir up anger…..Pr.15:1
- bring ruin…..Pr.13:3
- offend and separate…..Pr. 18:19
- brings bad reputation…..Pr. 25:10
Whereas, KIND words,
- are healing to the bones…..Pr. 16:24
- strengthen…..Job 4:4
- turn away anger…..Pr.15:1
- teach kindness itself…..Pr.31:26
- make a heart glad…..Pr12:25
- give life…..Pr.15:4
A wife’s words of affirmation are huge to her man. Not everything that floats around our head needs to come sailing out of our mouth. Bite that tongue! Tell him he’s doing a good job, even if its not how you wanted it done.
Remember it takes two to argue. Vow not to raise your voice, screw your face into an offensive look, or take a protective stance. We should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires. (James 3:19) We must stop the whining and the nagging and the complaining.
“Don’t grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged.” James 5:9
Grumble means to growl, mutter in discontent, complain continuously about unimportant things. This includes the huffs and sighs of displeasure us ladies are so known to express.
Lets look at Proverbs 27:16 again,
“restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”
I know this sounds a bit like the husband might be trying to suppress the wife, but let’s look past that. The wind is uncontrollable. It does as it pleases, goes where it will, shows no restraint. Here’s a random thought regarding air and how it goes wherever it wants –
The slightest leak in an air mattress eventually makes for a very uncomfortable sleeper. The leak, a contentious wife’s devaluing words, slowly takes the life, air, right out of her husband’s mattress/spirit. A man trying to rest on a deflated mattress is a miserable man indeed.
Back to our verse. Holding oil with the hands is virtually impossible. Even when the man’s fingers are held tightly together, trying with all his might to hold it, somehow the oil seeps through. The oil, a wife contentious words, permeate the soul of a man and frustrates him. No matter how hard he tries, he can not please his grumbling, complaining, nagging wife, who has made it her mission, whether consciously or unconsciously, to devalue him as a man.
STOP IT!! We MUST stop it!
Let’s start the stopping today by speaking one kind sentence to our husbands. If it takes too much laying down of pride to say it, then write it, text it, or post it on facebook. Just make sure you say something nice to him. Try doing this for one week. Here are a few examples:
- Thank you for taking out the trash.
- Thank you for providing so well for us.
- Thank you for helping me clear the table.
- Thank you for helping Susie put on her shoes.
- You look nice today. Yes, men want to know they look good.
Notice the little things. Soon you’ll see more. You’ll see more, because your words make him want to do more. But, more importantly, you’ll see more because your attitude is softening. You’ll become happier and more thankful, and from my experience, my guess is your home will become a happier place, as your family begins liking you better.
Just one kind sentence is where we start making a change for the better and evicting that contentious wife from our house.
Pray with me,
Dear Lord, ouch. This one hurts. Remind me continuously today to speak kind words. Help me see the small things my husband does and give me the courage to thank him for those things. Help me lay down my pride long enough to give him the honor he deserves as leader and provider of our home. Renew in me a right spirit, o Lord. I know this won’t be fixed overnight. My heart needs much and continual cleansing from a grumbling complaining attitude. Lord, today start preparing a new wife for my husband and let it be me. In Jesus precious name, Amen.
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