When I first started fasting for our marriage, I did so with the attitude of “that man has to change!”
I was sure fasting was the magic wand that I could give a few flips and flings and things would all straighten out.
I mean, the intent and promise for our fasting is “to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke…Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear,” (Isaiah 58:6,8)
What a great promise! And I wanted a piece of it.
So I started fasting. I did a few different fasts for a few different lengths of time. Each one proved one thing:
Fasting isn’t about what I can get God to do for me as much as how He is capable of healing me through it.
You see, fasting is intended to deepen our dependency on Him, not be an activity we put ourselves through in hopes of granted prayer. God is not a genie handing out wishes. He’s the healer, redeemer, restorer of broken things. (See Isaiah 58)
Through regular fasting and prayer on my part, God is doing exactly what He promises. He is healing the many broken pieces of my heart and giving me a true love and appreciation for my husband and our marriage union.
A few tips on how to fast
A regular question I get is, “Am I fasting properly? How do I know I’m doing it right?”
In biblical times, fasting was associated with tearing clothes, putting on sackcloth and sitting in ashes. However, today we have Matthew 6:16-18 to tell us that we shouldn’t make a show of our fasting. Rather, we should do it discreetly and secretly, keeping it between you and God. This adds greater intimacy and deepens our faith.
Traditionally, fasting means removing all food for a period of time. While this is still the recommended way of fasting, there are also other ways to apply this. Here are a few examples:
- internet fasting – this includes social media, email and all other online engagements
- one meal fast – skip one meal and dedicate that time to prayer and Bible reading.
- Sugar fast – no sugary drinks or food
- Meat fast – no meat for a period of time
- Juice fast – drinking only 100% juice. Broth and water are acceptable as well.
Whichever fast you choose, the ultimate goal is to create a space, an open time slot, a need or a craving to consciously remind us to call on God and trust Him to fill in that space.
God is more concerned about our heart attitudes and intentions than He is about what we sacrifice during a fast.
A few ways fasting can bless your marriage:
Fasting helps us maintain a clear mind and eternal perspective.
When we remove a need it magnifies our dependency on God. Our eyes are opened to how big God really is, and how frail our life is in comparison. It helps keep us focused on the bigger picture. We become more clear minded and start functioning on the fact that God really is in control of our life, our marriage, our family, all of it.
Fasting teaches us to extend grace and forgiveness more freely.
Frankly, I appreciate being forgiven. Being reminded of how willingly God forgives us, should create a desire to extend more grace and gentleness toward others. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Fasting taught me that God will fill my need even when I am undeserving. This helped me develop a more gracious and understanding attitude toward my husband.
If God can give me strength to get through a chocolate craving, how much more is He able to help me rise above whatever mood I am in and respond in kindness?
Fasting helps us put our marriage in the hands of God, not the hands of our husband.
In seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus, we place our greatest hope in Him. When Jesus becomes our Supreme Romance our husband is freed to become whom Christ designed him to be.
Let’s remember our husband is a recipient of the same grace you and I so desperately need. And while our man may fall short at times, we have a Heavenly Husband who is on stand-by ready to care for our every desire and heartache. Let’s take our cares to Him and trust Him to do greater things than we can imagine.
If you would like to try the healing power of fasting and prayer you might find our 7-Day Fasting & Prayer Guide a great place to start.
post was first seen on Christian Wife University.
7 days of Fasting & Prayer!
This is beautifully on time. I love the sincerity of the heart behind this.
Hi Kaylene,
Thank you for pinning this. Though I’m not married, I think you pointed out some very good reasons to fast. Thanks again, Karen
I have tried it and worked for my marriage! It was truly a blessing.
This is such an excellent idea. How refreshing to see a post on fasting for marriage. Thank you for sharing this!
God bless,
Patty
My pleasure, Patty. I hope you can join us for the 40-day Fasting & Prayer Challenge – https://kayleneyoder.com/40-day-fasting-prayer-challenge-for-wives/
I love this view of God changing us rather than our circumstances. Am joining your challenges and looking forward to what is going to do.
I’m not married yet but we have been talking about it. I want to fast for us
Hi kaylene, I’m a single woman and I felt truly bless to read this post because it reminds me not to fast so that God send me a husband. But to fast to depend on God and trust him that I will meet my future husband. Also, to fast so that God changes my heart to not be discouraged and angry because I am not married. It reminded me the focus of fasting and the desires of God.thank you!
Thank you for sharing this, Sophia! It’s a pleasure to serve you and encourage you as you walk the will of the Lord with your life. God bless!
Thank you Kaylene, learning a lot, I’m not married but I have joined. God bless you!
Hi Kaylene,
My husband and I have been married for a year and I feel that the enemy is trying to have a foothold on my husband. I have never truly fasted, but I have faith in myself and in my marriage and trust the God is going to do His part and guide my feet so that I can be e woman He has called me to be for my husband. Thank you for this guide and just please pray with me that God guides me trough this trial in my marriage.
God be with you always,
Nikki
Thank you for this beautiful study guide! God bless you.
If a compassionate soul read this message I want to let you know that I am going through a desert in my life. My marriage has been attacked for the enemy. We need help with pray.
Victoria V
I am so sorry for the trial you are facing right now. I am praying for you to stand firm in faith & trust your Heavenly Father to bring you through this storm stronger and more connected to Him.
Hi Kaylene,
Ii am Janet, all the way from Nigeria.
I really want to appreciate how God is using you for me and many women in this generation. God just took me through a 30 days prayer for your husband challenge and i was priviledged to be one of the vessels He used and few days to the end, i stumbled on your page. I was willed of God to t-yet again in the 40 days prayer challenge and i bet you it was awesome. Thank you so much as i am presently engaging in the 7 days wife prayers too and my friends have also being invited and the scripture writing journal. Awesome indeed
Janet, I am so glad the Lord is encouraging and ministering to you through these prayers. Thank you for seeking Him with all your heart, plus gathering other women to join you. What a beautiful and precious work you are doing. It is a pleasure to serve our Heavenly Father alongside you. 💗
Hi K. Can I ask….What was your husband’s position in all this? Is he a believer? Was he cooperative or uninvolved? Was this just between you and God and he was a complete uninvolved bystander? I only ask to know whether changes were made with only one participant ( well 2 including Jesus)?
Hi, Julia! Great questions! This is my understanding of things: My job is to fast, pray and love. God’s job is to do the fixing.
To my knowledge my husband has never fasted for our marriage. It also took 12+ years of me praying alone and seeking God alone, before my husband began praying with/for me. And we are still a work in progress.
Were changes made with only one participant? It depends on the reason for the fast. Are you fasting in order to “fix” your husband? Will you only count it a successful fast if you get the results you want? Will you quit fasting & praying when it doesn’t look like God is answering the way you want Him to?
Fasting & Prayer is more about drawing closer to the Lord personally than it is about having another person fixed, or a situation made right. And so I stick with this: It is my job to fast, pray, and love. It is God’s job to do the fixing in His perfect time, His perfect will, His perfect way.
I hope this makes sense and is helpful in gaining larger perspective in your situation. See the Lord. He will tell you the things He desires you to do.
Thanks for this insightful post on fasting. I always did fasting as an offering or mainly for an intention. This is a wonderful way to look at fasting differently since some of our problems can be fixed by God fixing us and not the other person or situation.
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