The Ways of an Enjoyable Wife

When we were newly married, I had high ideals. Just like every other young bride, I was excited about life and on fire for our future.

Soon however, real life settled in and it wasn’t quite the lifelong honeymoon I had imagined.

As luck would have it, my perfect groom just happened to be human.

Shame on him for that! ?

Instead of extending grace, I chose to become bitter and begrudgeful. I pocketed his offenses and pulled them out whenever I needed to use them against him.

Life wasn’t very fun.

And that was just it. I wanted fun. I wanted to enjoy life. Mostly, I wanted to be enjoyed. I wanted to laugh and laugh with, instead of cry and cry over.

Falling to my knees in desperation, I cried out to God for help. There I was gently convinced that if I wanted to experience joy in our marriage, I would need to grow more enjoyable. Slowly, I started realizing that to grow more enjoyable, I would need let God change me.

How to become a more enjoyable wife

1. The first thing God laid on my heart was that I needed to forgive my husband more freely.

“Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

I don’t do so well with forgiving. My husband didn’t deserve it.

But I did.

I deserved to be set free of the pain that was allowing me to form grudges and become a bitter, angry person.

I deserved to be set free of the bondage that gave me a free ticket to less joy.

Dragging grievances and grudges along, ready to throw them at my husband whenever he needed to be reminded of his humanity, was tiring. Exhausting, in fact.

Letting go of those things little by little, relieved my own heart first. Then it released my husband from the pressure and fear of never measuring up to my expectations.

Forgiveness lightened the load of our marriage and allowed us to let our guard down a bit more and we learned to enjoy life with each other.

2.  The next thing God had me consider was to live in the present day.

“Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such things.” Ecclesiastes 7:10

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” Isaiah 43:18

Dwell is an interesting word. It means to live in, or make one’s home in a certain place.

What we dwell upon, soon becomes our mind’s home. Our mind’s home soon becomes evident in our words and actions.

Two reasons it is unwise to dwell on the past are;

(a) when we long for the ‘good old days’ over our current day, we become regretful and discontent,

(b) dwelling on past wrongs develops bitterness toward one another.

3. Then, God showed me that He has given each of us a controllable mind.

Not only are we encouraged to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, but we are also given the power to choose what we think.

Putting purposeful thinking into practice, deliberately choosing to think on things that are true, honorable and right. (Philippians 4:8), is very wise and liberating.

We become more gracious and understanding when we direct our thinking. Forgiveness becomes much more practical. Life, in general, becomes much more worthwhile and liveable.

God doesn’t intend for us to go about our lives sad faced or downcast. He wants us to enjoy life. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says “Enjoy life with your wife[spouse], whom you love”.(brackets mine)

More importantly, our goal should be to become the spouse whom life can be enjoyed with.

Trading in self inclined thoughts and attitudes for more Christ-like ones will result in just that; an enjoyable wife, a compliment to the marriage union.

Such a woman is truly a joy to be around.

The choice is ours.

The Ways of an Enjoyable Wife first appeared on Christian Wife University.

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  1. Laurie Collett says:

    Love this! It reminds me of what our former pastor used to say about being “blessable,” because God wants to bless us! Linked up with you at The Beauty in His Grip.
    God bless,

  2. Jen says:

    Hi, Kaylene! 🙂 I’m stopping by from Grace and Truth today. I already read this post earlier this week, but wanted to leave a comment here because I appreciated it so much! Thanks for sharing!
    Jen 🙂

  3. Jane Baird says:

    I found this while scrolling through Pinterest- thank you! This is so true, timely and appropriate!! I wanted to keep reading! Thank you for including scripture, too. I enjoyed looking each verse up. You have a gift- keep writing!

  4. Sarah Koontz says:

    I love how you wrap up the article by saying the choice is ours. We have such freedom, but we must choose to walk a more challenging path if we want to experience the full depth of God’s blessings in our marriage. Visiting from Grace & Truth.

  5. Kelly Basham says:

    Such great reminders for wives! Love this statement “our goal should be to become the spouse whom life can be enjoyed with.” Very powerful! It’s nice to meet you Kaylene. Joining you from Faith & Friends.

  6. Evelyn says:

    Kaylene this is wonderful to be on this platform. I just joined this week but I find your messages really inspiring. Looking forward to seeing my marriage / being transformed by the word of God.Good job Kaylene

  7. paula says:

    Thanks for sharing. I will be using this as guide in December for a 4 week themed message in my prayer group. Thanks again

  8. Patricia says:

    My husband is not a believer and is bipolar. We’ve been together for 11 years married for 7 this coming up November. He isn’t the easiest person to live with. If it wasn’t for God and forgiveness we wouldn’t be together anymore. This article was very helpful. My prayer is that One day he will see this and maybe open his heart and eyes to the lord as well. My job now is to be an enjoyable wife ? Pray for us ladies.??

    • Kaylene Yoder says:

      Lifting you to our heavenly and ever gracious Father. Marriage is always a challenge, but one we can grow stronger together in. May you feel the Lord’s guiding, comforting hand today.

  9. Khanyi says:

    Hi Kaylene, I also just recently joined your blog and I’m finding it very insightful, I’m taking away so much from your advice and scriptures you’ve chosen. Thank you so much.

  10. Brigette Stuckey says:

    Bless the Lord! With all the struggles and help from the Holy Spirit I’m still standing . I love the prayers and scriptures wish I would’ve had this support 10 years ago. But my marriage is such a mess there is no where else to go but… to the end.

  11. Silly Wife says:

    Good Day Kaylene and to everyone reading this.

    As you know – when you open ‘ Pinterest ‘ – suggested pics and posts just ‘ pop up ‘.

    This one ‘ The Ways of an Enjoyable Wife ‘ by just happened to.’ Pop up ‘. I looked at it and thought ‘ HOGWASH ‘ – (No offence to the writer of the article) but because my marriage is at an all time low, rather to my mind set.

    I thought ‘ Me, be an Enjoyable wife…. hmmmpft . He has a better chance of flying a kite.’.

    And then I opened it and read it.

    I need to change MY VIEW of things.
    I NEED to appreciate my husband more.
    I need to ask God back into our marriage.

    I ask everyone who cares just a little for this stubborn woman who believes (incorrectly) that she deserves better, to pray for me and ask God to help me and show me the way to save my marriage.

    Thank you God for showing me Kaylene’s post.

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