Every once in a while I read something in the Bible that makes me want to throw a fit.
First Corinthians 7:3-5 is one such passage. “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other…so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Uh-hem. I barely made it past the first nine words of that and I was a hot mess. “What do you mean my body doesn’t belong to me? This is mine, and I will do with it what I want, thank you very much.”
However, the passage doesn’t stop there and after I had a moment to scrape my jaw off the floor, I read on to realize there is good reason and insight for this.
It is common knowledge that sex is a man’s primary way to feel and express his love for his wife, while women need to connect emotionally to enjoy it. Sexual release is so vital to a man that it can actually be frustrating for him. He’s driven to pursue sex, yet has a deep fear of coming across as a pervert.
So, what happens when a wife decides to withhold her physical body from her husband? Verse five of 1 Corinthians 7 shines a little light on this. “Do not deprive each other…so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
The enemy knows your husband’s sexual drive just as much as you do. The enemy also knows that if your husband goes unfulfilled in this area, he is easy prey for temptation.
It is a foolish game we play when we purposely withhold ourselves in the name of revenge, disdain, laziness or tiredness and then expect him to withstand all manner of temptations.
I’m NOT suggesting that if your husband falls to an extra marital affair that it’s your fault. No. Ultimately, he needs to make the call whether or not to keep himself pure before the Lord.
I am suggesting, however, that by blessing your husband with your body, if your husband should fall short of his marriage vows, you will be able to stand faultless before the Lord. You can only be responsible for your own choices.
Choose to honor God and your husband with your body. I know how hard that can be when you are in the middle of the child rearing days and sleepless nights.
I also know menopause and age bring on their own set of struggles in the bedroom. Since I’m not knowledgeable on that yet, I have provided a few informative articles from a Christian marriage blog. (see below)
3 Ways to Prepare for Intimacy with Your Husband
1. Mentally prepare for intimacy. Our largest sex organ is the brain. Try to be aware of his need. Calculate his frequency, and make pointed efforts to rest up or plan for those times. This idea to mentally prepare for intimacy will help you respond more willingly and not leave him feeling like he is intruding on you. An air of begrudgement or reluctancy takes away the intended fulfillment and blessing sex is designed to provide for both of you. A few ideas:
- (a) text him something flirty (click for 4 things to say to him)
- (b) look through a photo album together or recall a few great moments of your dating life
- (c) serve dinner in candlelight- who cares if its mac-n-cheese and the kids are there? That’s the stuff that makes lifetime memories.
- (d) think on a few good qualities about your husband. This will enhance your appreciation for him.
2. Physically prepare for intimacy. Most women feel more confident when they are clean and dressed for the occasion. So, use ten minutes to prepare yourself for him. Take a shower, shave, wear a little something, (or a little nothing!) just for him. You will find it easier to relax and enjoy your Marriage Bed more. And your husband will be so blessed and thankful to unwrap the gift of you.
3. Prepare initiation for intimacy. Many husbands feel insecure or inadequate in initiating his desire for his wife without feeling like he is imposing on her. A wife can help alleviate this internal battle for him by occasionally initiating sex. And if you’ve been married for any length of time, you know it doesn’t take long before your husband takes your sweet and flirty to some kind of fiery spice!
So go initiate some sizzle with your man!
Lesson 2 of the “Becoming a Better Wife” bible study shares much more on the topic of the Marriage Bed.
Here are a few helpful articles for more specific needs: (for adults only)
Keeping Sex Alive When Your Hormones are out of Whack ~ On Pregnancy, Breastfeeding, Menopause and Hormones
Adapting to the Changing seasons of Sex in Marriage
A few books you might find helpful: (for adults only)
Awesome, Kaylene! Thanks for including my book and my post, too. It is so true–we have to be intentional about getting in the mood, even if that seems odd. But it works!
Kaylene, these are great tips. Preparing mentally and realizing it is a gift to the one we love really does help.
This is a profound, poignant, and beautiful post wrapped in one succinct package! Your words are both wise and incredibly encouraging. There is no other woman on earth called or ordained to fulfill our husbands but us, and that is one awe-inspiring duty. Thank you for your uplifting and timeless words! 🙂
Thank you for being brave enough to share this! This is great information and very applicable. What a wonderful way to love on our husbands!
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